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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28779411">the blanket.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/beckthepansy/pseuds/beckthepansy'>beckthepansy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dead Poets Society (1989)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>??? - Freeform, Angst, Closeted, Closeted Character, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, anderperry, but the ending wont be angsty i promise, gay angst, he struggles to accept his feelings, maybe?? - Freeform, neil is soft for todd but doesnt want to be</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:02:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,256</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28779411</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/beckthepansy/pseuds/beckthepansy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Neil struggles with his feelings towards his roommate.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Todd Anderson &amp; Neil Perry, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi friends! This is my first anderperry fic. it's been sitting in my drafts for too long now, so I thought i'd post it and update it whenever I'm able to. I plan on adding two more chapters to this, hopefully within the next couple of weeks. I hope you enjoy reading, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it and on what I can do better! </p><p>Love,<br/>Beck<br/>@carpeiibrium on twitter<br/>@beckthepansy on tumblr</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a beautiful autumn day at Welton Academy; the weather cool and crisp, the wind twirling the fallen leaves gracefully, the sun enveloping life in hints of golden warmth. Everything was peaceful, calm and serene; except for Neil Perry. Neil was anything but calm. He hasn’t been calm ever since the year started. Ever since the new boy in school, Todd Anderson, stepped into his life, and into his room.</p><p>Neil had never felt this way towards anyone before. He had no explanation as to why he always felt his heart leaping out of his chest whenever his roommate would smile shyly. He would always brush off these odd sensations and try his best not to give them a second thought, hoping they would go away; for they couldn’t have possibly been a good thing. This was the closest he has ever been to having feelings for someone, and he knew for a fact that it cannot be towards another boy; he had to be infatuated with a girl, the way Knox is with Chris. This did not make any sense, so all he did was negate what he was feeling, shake it off his mind, push it inside his pandora’s box that was residing in his chest, ever-expanding, making it harder for him to breathe as it continued to grow.</p><p>That is, until the day of the sweaty-toothed madman. That day had changed everything. He had never felt more mesmerized by any other living human being than he did the day Todd stood in front of his English class, spinning around maniacally with his eyes forced shut, uttering the words that would remain carved in Neil’s memory, til the day he leaves dying. The day the poet inside of Todd sprung into view. It was that day that had cemented Neil’s quandary, forcing him to face the feelings he had tried so desperately to lock inside of him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neil woke up to the sweet, soft tone of his roommate, nudging him and whispering, “Neil, its time to wake up, we have to get ready.” His voice sent a warm feeling all over Neil’s body, followed by a striking pain; the reminder of his quandary, of the forbidden thoughts and desires that have been hiding in all the nooks and crannies of his mind.</p><p>“I have no intention of getting out of bed today, thank you very much,” said Neil bitterly.</p><p>“What are you talking about?”, replied Todd, anxious. “We can’t miss any classes. You know how Mr. Nolan reacts whenever anyone pulls that kind of stunt. Come on now, let’s-”</p><p>“I said I’m not going anywhere! I feel like shit and I’m staying here, that’s the end of it!” Neil snapped.</p><p>Todd’s face was painted with a puzzled, almost hurt expression. “Fine!”, he yelled, grabbing his toothbrush, uniform, and backpack and storming out of the room; banging the door shut behind him.</p><p> </p><p>Neil felt horrible, absolutely defeated. He turned aggressively to face the wall, pulling the covers on his head and letting out an agonizing scream. <em>Why is this happening to me?</em> He asked himself hopelessly. <em>Todd had nothing to do with this and I blew up on him. I hurt him. I’m horrible. I don’t know why this is happening, I never asked for any of it. My father is going to hate me even more. All I do is bring pain to everyone. Why can’t I be good enough? Why?</em></p><p>Tears started streaming down his reddened cheeks. The young man buried his face in his pillow to muffle his sobs, gasping for breaths periodically. <em>I can’t be in love with him, I cant. It’s not supposed to happen like this, why am I feeling this?!</em> His chest was on fire, every thought he had making it grow. Neil stayed in this black hole for what seemed like forever, until his body finally gave up on him and resulted in him blacking out.</p><p> </p><p>He was awoken by the sound of his roommate opening the door and coming into the room. Neil pushed the covers off his head to see what the source of the sound was; exposing his unkempt hair, puffy eyes, and red nose; all clear indicators that the boy has spent a good few hours in a vulnerable state. He saw the previously annoyed expression on Todd’s face immediately turn into a worried one as soon as their eyes met.<br/><br/>“N- Neil, w- w- what’s wrong?! Are you sick?” His roommate asked.<br/><br/>“No, no. Don’t worry about it,” said Neil. He was taken aback by Todd’s reaction; he didn’t think anyone would show this much concern towards his wellbeing.<br/><br/>“Neil, please don’t lie to me,” sighed Todd. “Whether you like it or not, I know you by now, and I know for a fact that something is wrong. Tell me what’s wrong.”<br/><br/>“Its not really something the nurse can fix, Todd. I’ll be fine.”<br/><br/>"Still, tell me,” Todd insisted. A worried smile glimmered in his face.</p><p>Neil let out a long sigh, and propped his heavy body up against the wall in a sitting position. He looked at his hands, avoiding any sight of his roommate that would bring back the feelings he is fighting desperately to bury down his chest.</p><p>“Remember the blanket?” He asked quietly as Todd threw his backpack onto the desk and sat down on the bed across from him.</p><p>“What blanket?” Todd replied, confused.</p><p>“Its suffocating me…”</p><p>“Y-… Y-You’re not even using your blanket, what are you talking about?”</p><p>“No, you idiot,” he chuckled softly, feeling the weight on his chest momentarily being lifted, only to be thrown back with more force. “The blanket from your poem, remember?”</p><p>Todd was silent.</p><p>“The blanket that cannot cover any of us. I feel it suffocating me right now.” Neil paused for a few moments, and then continued: “I feel my vision blurring, my thoughts taking up more space in my mind as it covers my head and tightens its grip on me… I don’t know how to tear it off. It’s not letting me breathe.”</p><p>He looked up to see Todd wearing a troubled face, his lips slightly parted as if he were trying to speak but has lost his voice. “I- I… I don’t.. know what to say,” he said.</p><p>The two let out a synchronized sigh, letting the words they spoke hover over their heads in the silent space of their room. Todd broke the silence by doing something that surprised Neil. He got up and walked across the room to his friend’s bed, visibly anxious, as if what he was about to do was going to jeopardize their friendship. He sat right beside Neil, arms hesitating before one of them rested on his friend’s shoulder, pulling him closer; and the other reaching out to his hand.</p><p>The sweetest, warmest sensation cascaded through Neil, body and soul; causing a ripple effect in every atom of his. It resonated inside of him, taking up all the negative space within him and leaving no room for fear, no room for the black hole to touch him, let alone consume him. He has never felt anything in the same depth as this unnamed feeling; it left him defenseless, fighting for words to crawl out of his quivering throat, but to no avail. How can something so simple leave him paralyzed? He stayed helplessly still in Todd’s arms, waiting in the back of his mind for the black hole that would not visit him again, not for a long time.</p>
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